Thursday, January 28, 2010

musings on a thursday morning.....

i am not sure where to start with this post. the thoughts keep rattling around in my head. so as i write bear with me, it might get messy.

in our society we have parents of many different attitudes. i came from the thought of protect my children, be the best mom i can be and be my child's advocate! when i was a SAHM i never gave two thoughts to this type of attitude. it was what i did. i was a mom! (i still am by the way)

along that road i ran into some different attitudes. why do you always have to know where your kids are? why don't you give them some freedoms? why can't they walk home by themselves? etc, etc, etc. again..............never even gave it a thought. this was my way of parenting. like it or don't.

now this is a paticularly sensitive subject for me, since my mom is the queen of overprotective. i never, ever remember being left alone when i was young, not even as a teenager. if my mom had to go to the store, then i did too. when she is with me and the kids now, she constantly has to know where they are, even to the point that she wants them to hold her hand. i have worked very, very hard to not be that. in public situations with lots and lots of people they do have to be near me. i need to know where they are, because you never know what could happen. but again.....i have worked very, very hard to not be "that" mom.

then i started working. i worked in a place that sees many different parenting styles. i saw my attitude change a little. it was not a bad fact it was healthy and we have grown so much from it. but what kills me here is: my type of parenting was thought of in the same way a neglectful parents was. that has been an eye opener for me. it really shocked me at first. a caring parent is not the right thing to be??? some people don't like parents like me who protect, who advocate for my kids, who care???? how could that be???? i know i am a good mom. how could it be that a protective mom, a caring mom is looked down upon.

last week we had to take noah to an appointment that challenged me as a parent. that brought to life my worst fears for him. that broke my heart. i cried. i cried in the shower. i cried making dinner. i cried at the appt. i just cried.

but then something else happened. as noah was talking with some people.....thad and i got to talk to someone. it was cathartic. as we explained to this person different situations and how we parented, he sat and listened. he took it all in. then he turns to me...............and says "i just want to commend you, i wish every parent was like you!!!" what????? did i just hear that correctly??? there was no condemnation, there was no judgement.........he actually told me that i had done everything right for my son!!!! you mean i am not overprotective??? i am not too caring??? i am not too much of an advocate for my child??? WOW..........that was completely validating for me!!!! not only did we have a great experience at this appointment, but i got to walk out of it with a little more confidence to continue to say "I don't care what you think.....I am their mom!"

so to all of you moms that have little ones still...............hold strong. do what is right for your kids. don't let others tell you what to do! know that you have that power to say what does and does not work for your kids! God has called us to a very difficult and amazing job and it is a process, but in the end it is very satisfying to know that you were called to be there MOM!


Jules said...

You ARE a Great mom!

Julanne said...

I also assume that through your job, as parents get less and less protective and more and more kids are left alone, with more independence (playing violent video games and watching tv), the level of disrespect for others has gone down. I notice it at school. I am constantly surprised at kids and how much they challenge authority, don't respect their teachers, speak out of turn and break the rules. Of course I'm not talking about all kids. But it seems to me in this age of independence, respect is taking a beating. It is taught by example, not just by telling them to respect others and to set an example you have to spend time with them doing day to day things. I notice it in my own kids when i get super busy. Anyway, that's just me! (I also am surprised by how many little little kids I see walking to school by themselves - I am scared for them)
Don't ever let anyone criticize your parenting!